Schtum! What happens if you stay silent for 4 weeks?
A vocal surgery Q&A with Claire Robinson
I’ve connected with so many amazing people through sharing my trans celebratory comedy. Every since my van man videos went viral, queer people from all over the world have been sliding into my DMs for frank and honest conversations about gender, sexuality, coming out, and of course Trans in Vans.
I catch up with Claire, who popped up in my inbox today with the sound advice: If you’re having vocal surgery, practise being quiet.
She’s 4 weeks into no speaking after having Vocal Feminisation Surgery, and she warned me that after a while, you go a bit crazy.
Due vocal surgery myself in October, and having to remain quiet for not 4, but 8 weeks, I can do with all the info I can get. So as always, I lean into my queer community for help and advice.
Lucie: Hey Claire, tell me a little about yourself! What do you like doing, what makes you tick?
Claire: Hi Lucie, I live in Leeds with my wife and son. I’m a creative person who enjoys finding weird and wonderful ways of adding LED’s and micro controllers to pretty much anything.
Lucie: I’ve never heard of that before! What do you like making?
Claire: I’ve made hats, capes, signs, dioramas all sorts. I’m also a keen roller skater, not amazing at it but I enjoy it none the less.
Lucie: I used to go roller skating with my gay guy friend, and lesbian girl friend and I was the token straight. Clearly skating is a gateway to transitioning or something. What has your transition been like?
Claire: My trans journey started a long time ago, but allowing my authentic self to come to the foreground happened during covid, I’ve never looked back.
“My trans journey started a long time ago, but allowing my authentic self to come to the foreground happened during covid, I’ve never looked back.”
Lucie: It feels amazing right? So we met online, how did you come across me?
Claire: I was filling the void of dullness during a work call by scrolling Instagram reels, and there you were, sat in your van, being hilarious. I gave you a follow and lo and behold, a few weeks later you posted about vocal feminisation surgery. It was the day before I was due to have my consultation for that very thing! It was fate.
Lucie: What can I say, the algorithm brought us together. So you’ve had Vocal Feminisation Surgery?
Claire: I have!
Lucie: How’s recovery going?
Claire: This is week 4 of recovery… my voice is healing, and it is definitely different, learning to use it is a bit of a weird experience.
Lucie: Tell me about that, what’s the biggest challenge?
Claire: The silence has been the hardest thing, week 1 was no speaking at all, weeks 2-3 was no more than 15 words per day, I’m now permitted a sentence per hour.
Lucie: Wow, 4 weeks of near total silence, how have you found that?
Claire: It’s HARD. I knew it would be difficult, but I’d just expected to use my app (a text to speech app) to fill the gaps where I couldn’t speak, but its not been that easy.
Lucie: How come?
Claire: People do some weird things. I made a little card I could show people, to let them know that I couldn’t speak, and that I’d reply using gestures and or my phone app. For the majority of people it worked well, but so many people would take this as if I couldn’t hear them and they would stop talking!
Lucie: That must just add another barrier to communication.
Claire: It’s been very frustrating at times.
Lucie: What made you want vocal feminisation surgery in the first place?
Claire: I have never connected with my voice, even before I knew my authentic self. My voice was always something that just didn’t sit with me. Once I found myself through transitioning, my voice matched me even less.
“I have never connected with my voice, even before I knew my authentic self. My voice was always something that just didn’t sit with me.”
Lucie: I can relate to that in a big way. That’s why I’m having VFS myself. So, why is gender affirming care important to you?
Claire: It is such difficult road we tread, we face discrimination and persecution for just being. All affirming care we receive is so important. It not only helps an individual build their own confidence and become more in tune with the body they reside in, it shows that those offering the care see us, that we are valid, and that we do matter.
Lucie: It’s so hard seeing people, often with no idea how life-changing gender affirming care is, make shortsighted attempts to restrict access. Especially for young people. When you’re going through puberty, every year counts. Every year without access to gender affirming care is another challenge for you later down the line as an adult. Could you tell me a little more about your transition?
Claire: It was gradual. I slowly introduced elements of me. I played with different looks, styles, concepts. I did this both privately and publicly. I had a lot of support from my wife and a few close friends. Each time I added an element it was like lifting a weight off my shoulders, one less thing I didn’t have to hide.
“Each time I added an element it was like lifting a weight off my shoulders, one less thing I didn’t have to hide.”
Lucie: What are you most excited about with your VFS recovery?
Claire: Being able to speak freely in public spaces without the fear of “outing” myself. My voice was a huge ‘tell’, it did not fit me at all. Being able to make a phone call, tell them my name and not have them say, “Craig? Carl?...” or address me as “Sir” – both of which have happened many times.
Lucie: SAME! It’s a safety thing for me. I can get by in day to day life, but I increasingly avoid speaking because of the incongruence, and I don’t want that kind of social anxiety any more! I wondered if you had any advice for newly out trans people, or even people questioning their identity. What would you say to people who think they might be transgender?
Claire: Explore it, take it slowly and find yourself. There is no rule book, there is no “being trans enough”, find what makes you feel happy and like yourself. Find people that will support you, the more open you become with yourself the more people you will find.
Lucie: Have you found community since transitioning?
Claire: So much! One of the best parts of transition is finding people and community. There are so many good people out there waiting to be there for you, wanting to meet you. have met some of my closest friends since being myself.
“One of the best parts of transition is finding people and community.”
Lucie: Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. I’m sure a lot of my readers will resonate with your experiences. I’d love to catch up again in a few months to see how your voice has progressed!
Support the community!
Lucie: So, is there anything you’d like to promote? It can be for yourself, someone else, a charity, an artist, whatever you like- tell me!
Claire: I’d love to promote the roller girl gang. They are such a beautiful bunch of people just trying to bring joy and make the world a better place for everyone. They provide an inclusive space for all, many trans folk, myself included – I met a lot of my new community and friends via them.
They are trying to raise funds to have their own permanent space rather than relying on sports halls hire, The Skate Sanctuary Studio x Roller Girl Gang by Melissa Blackwood — Kickstarter any support they get will be repaid to the community in bucket loads.
And if anyone would like to follow me, I'm (@neon_skater_claire) on instagram ☺️